Marriage: Watch and Learn

I meant to post this for Valentine's Day, but totally forgot with doing the church dinner! This is one of the best talks I've heard about marriage and I thought it was appropriate to share at least near Valentine's Day 

By Elder L. Whitney Clayton

Of the Presidency of the Seventy

The promises of the Lord are extended to all those who follow the pattern of life that builds happy, holy marriage relationships.

One evening several years ago, my wife and I were visiting the home of one of our sons and his wife and children for dinner. It was a typical event for a family with small children: there was much noise and even more fun. Shortly after dinner our four-year-old granddaughter, Anna, and I were still sitting at the table. Realizing that she had my full attention, she stood up straight on a bench and fixed her eyes on me. When she was sure that I was looking at her, she solemnly ordered me to “watch and learn.” She then danced and sang a song for me.

Anna’s instruction to “watch and learn” was wisdom from the mouth of a babe. We can learn so much by watching and then considering what we have seen and felt. In that spirit, let me share with you a few principles I have observed by watching and learning from wonderful, faithful marriages. These principles build strong, satisfying marriages that are compatible with heavenly principles. I invite you to watch and learn with me.

First, I have observed that in the happiest marriages both the husband and wife consider their relationship to be a pearl beyond price, a treasure of infinite worth. They both leave their fathers and mothers and set out together to build a marriage that will prosper for eternity. They understand that they walk a divinely ordained path. They know that no other relationship of any kind can bring as much joy, generate as much good, or produce as much personal refinement. Watch and learn: the best marriage partners regard their marriages as priceless.

Next, faith. Successful eternal marriages are built on the foundation of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and adherence to His teachings. I have observed that couples who have made their marriages priceless practice the patterns of faith: they attend sacrament and other meetings every week, hold family home evening, pray and study the scriptures together and as individuals, and pay an honest tithing. Their mutual quest is to be obedient and good. They do not consider the commandments to be a buffet from which they can pick and choose only the most appealing offerings.

Faith is the foundation of every virtue that strengthens marriage. Strengthening faith strengthens marriage. Faith grows as we keep the commandments, and so do the harmony and joy in marriage. Thus, keeping the commandments is fundamental to establishing strong eternal marriages. Watch and learn: faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the foundation of happy eternal marriages.

Third, repentance. I have learned that happy marriages rely on the gift of repentance. It is an essential element in every good marital relationship. Spouses who regularly conduct honest self-examination and promptly take needed steps to repent and improve experience a healing balm in their marriages. Repentance helps restore and maintain harmony and peace.

Humility is the essence of repentance. Humility is selfless, not selfish. It doesn’t demand its own way or speak with moral superiority. Instead, humility answers softly and listens kindly for understanding, not vindication. Humility recognizes that no one can change someone else, but with faith, effort, and the help of God, we can undergo our own mighty change of heart. Experiencing the mighty change of heart causes us to treat others, especially our spouses, with meekness. Humility means that both husbands and wives seek to bless, help, and lift each other, putting the other first in every decision. Watch and learn: repentance and humility build happy marriages.

Fourth, respect. I have observed that in wonderful, happy marriages, husbands and wives treat each other as equal partners. Practices from any place or any time in which husbands have dominated wives or treated them in any way as second-class partners in marriage are not in keeping with divine law and should be replaced by correct principles and patterns of behavior.

Husbands and wives in great marriages make decisions unanimously, with each of them acting as a full participant and entitled to an equal voice and vote. They focus first on the home and on helping each other with their shared responsibilities. Their marriages are based on cooperation, not negotiation. Their dinner hour and the family time that follows become the center of their day and the object of their best efforts. They turn off electronics and forgo personal entertainment in order to help with household duties. To the extent possible, they read with their children every night and both participate in putting the little ones to bed. They retire to their bed together. As their duties and circumstances permit, husbands and wives work side by side in doing the most important work there is—the work we do in our own homes.

Where there is respect, there is also transparency, which is a key element of happy marriages. There are no secrets about relevant matters in marriages based on mutual respect and transparency. Husbands and wives make all decisions about finances together, and both have access to all information.

Loyalty is a form of respect. Prophets teach that successful marriage partners are “fiercely loyal” to each other. They keep their social media use fully worthy in every way. They permit themselves no secret Internet experiences. They freely share with each other their social network passwords. They do not look at the virtual profiles of anyone in any way that might betray the sacred trust of their spouse. They never do or say anything that approaches the appearance of impropriety, either virtually or physically. Watch and learn: terrific marriages are completely respectful, transparent, and loyal.

Fifth, love. The happiest marriages I have seen radiate obedience to one of the happiest commandments—that we “live together in love.” Speaking to husbands, the Lord commanded, “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.” A Church handbook teaches: “The word cleave means to be completely devoted and faithful to someone. Married couples cleave to God and one another by serving and loving each other and by keeping covenants in complete fidelity to one another and to God.” Both the husband and wife “leave behind their single life and establish their marriage as [their] first priority. … They allow no other person or interest to have greater priority … than keeping the covenants they have made with God and each other.” Watch and learn: successful couples love each other with complete devotion.

There are those whose marriages are not as happy as they would wish, as well as those who have never married, are divorced, are single parents, or for various reasons are not in a position to marry. These circumstances can be full of challenge and heartbreak, but they need not be eternal. To those of you in such situations who nevertheless “cheerfully do all things that lie in [your] power” to persevere, may heaven bless you richly. Seek after the ideal of forming an eternal marriage, including by striving or preparing to be a worthy spouse. Keep the commandments, and trust the Lord and His perfect love for you. One day every promised blessing concerning marriage will be yours.

One of the sweetest verses in the Book of Mormon states simply, “And they were married, and given in marriage, and were blessed according to the multitude of the promises which the Lord had made unto them.” The promises of the Lord are extended to all those who follow the pattern of life that builds happy, holy marriage relationships. Such blessings come as the delightful, predictable consequences of faithfully living the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I am grateful for my wonderful wife, Kathy, who is the love of my life.

Marriage is a gift from God to us; the quality of our marriages is a gift from us to Him. I bear testimony of the marvelous plan of our loving Heavenly Father, which provides for eternal, wondrous marriage. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

A New Year

 As a new year begins, we should try to benefit from a view of what has gone before. I plead with you to remember that the past is to be learned from, but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences, but not the ashes. 

And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we should look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives.

Some of you may wonder—particularly as we live through the daily tumult in the world around us today—“Is there any future for me?” What does a new year hold for me? Will I be safe? Will life be sound? Can I trust in the Lord and in the future?

Please remember this: faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ truly is the “high priest of good things to come” (Hebrews 9:11).

Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant and far away. Live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, of trust and divine love that will transform your life today, tomorrow, and forever. That is a New Year’s resolution I ask you to keep.

Jeffrey R Holland

Time

A word comprised of four letters that dictates our entire life.

We wake up at a certain time so we can get to work at a certain time to finish those deadlines that have to be completed at a certain time and then go home at a certain time to work toward goals we set for ourselves at certain times, we have dates, appointments, meetings, events all at certain times. 

Yet we always seem to be running out of it. 

With everything that life demands of us it can be an ever increasing challenge to set time aside for the truly important things. 

As disciples of Christ it is crucial that we have time for the things required of us to remain spiritually strong. Scripture study, prayer, church attendance, temple work, repentance, home-building, and serving. 

When I first joined the Army, I was not prepared for the work load that awaited for me. Corey used to tell me about how draining work in the military was and I never really understood until I went through it myself. With the constant mission prep and mundane tasks that I am required to accomplish day after day I hardly had time for the things required of me as a Latter-day Saint. 

Or did I? 

Yes I was exhausted by the end of work; yes the weekends seemed to go so fast I couldn’t catch a break.. but I also really missed the feeling a person can get when regularly enriching their mind and spirit with the gospel. 

After very little thought I decided to spend my free moments during the next weeks writing in a physical notebook assigning certain times for the things important in my life. 

It took much longer than I expected. I found I had to cut out many things I wanted to do. I tried to find a way to balance the things of the world and the spiritual growth I desired but it was almost impossible. 

I realized I had to align my priorities with my schedule. 

Which of course begged the question what truly are and need to be my priorities? 

With the direction the world is going in these latter-days, we have no choice but to ensure gospel study is at the top of our list. It is the only way to navigate the turmoil and the noise that will grow exponentially until the Savior comes.

After much revision, I finally achieved a schedule with assigned times for gospel study, family, work and the well-known other things an individual needs to accomplish in a day. It was hard to cut off some things I enjoyed to make time for daily scripture study, and admittedly it’s been a hard habit to build. But with an assigned block of time to study, read, and pray, the heartache of injustices at work, trials, and tumultuous pathways of life have become clear, calm, and easy. 

Time can be hard to come by.. but it is not running out. Time that is running away from you is poorly managed. 

It is time to draw a clear line between worldly and Christ-like. 

It is time to assign and prioritize daily gospel study. 

It is time to build and reinforce our Armor of God. 

We are His chosen people.

65 Day Book of Mormon Reading Challenge

Day 1 Title Page-1 Nephi-2        

Day 2 1 Nephi 3-7

Day 3 1 Nephi 8-11

Day 4 1 Nephi 12-14

Day 5 1 Nephi 15-17

Day 6 1 Nephi 18-19

Day 7 1 Nephi 20-2 Nephi 1

Day 8 2 Nephi 2-4

Day 9 2 Nephi 5-8

Day 10 2 Nephi 9-10

Day 11 2 Nephi 11-15

Day 12 2 Nephi 16-21

Day 13 2 Nephi 22-25

Day 14 2 Nephi 26-28

Day 15 2 Nephi 29-33

Day 16 Jacob 1-4

Day 17 Jacob 5-7

Day 18 Enos-Omni

Day 19 Words of Mormon-Mosiah 2

Day 20 Mosiah 3-5

Day 21 Mosiah 6-10

Day 22 Mosiah 11-14

Day 23 Mosiah 15-19

Day 24 Mosiah 20-23

Day 25 Mosiah 24-27

Day 26 Mosiah 28-Alma 1

Day 27 Alma 2-4

Day 28 Alma 5-7

Day 29 Alma 8-10

Day 30 Alma 11-13

Day 31 Alma 14-16

Day 32 Alma 17-19

Day 33 Alma 20-23

Day 34 Alma 24-26

Day 35 Alma 27-30

Day 36 Alma 31-32

Day 37 Alma 33-36

Day 38 Alma 37-39

Day 39 Alma 40-42

Day 40 Alma 43-45

Day 41 Alma 46-48

Day 42 Alma 49-52    

Day 43 Alma 53-5

Day 44 Alma 57-59

Day 45 Alma 60-62

Day 46 Alma 63-Helaman 3

Day 47 Helaman 4-6

Day 48 Helaman 7-10

Day 49 Helaman 11-13

Day 50 Helaman 14-3 Nephi 1

Day 51 3 Nephi 2-5

Day 52 3 Nephi 6-9    

Day 53 3 Nephi 10-12

Day 54 3 Nephi 13-17

Day 55 3 Nephi 18-20    

Day 56 3 Nephi 21-26

Day 57 3 Nephi 27-30

Day 58 4 Nephi-Mormon 3

Day 59 Mormon 4-8

Day 60 Mormon 9-Ether 2

Day 61 Ether 3-7

Day 62 Ether 8-10

Day 63 Ether 11-14

Day 64 Ether 15-Moroni 7

Day 65 Moroni 8-10    

One Page Summary

 

Alex gave the lesson today in Relief Society from Elder Teh's talk from the April 2021 General Conference. 

Elder Teh said:

"I would like to share a simple experience that illustrates the struggle we sometimes have to embrace the personal nature of the Lord’s Atonement.

    Years ago, at the invitation of my file leader, I read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover and marked the verses that referenced the Lord’s Atonement. My leader also invited me to prepare a one-page summary of what I learned. I said to myself, “One page? Sure, that is easy.” To my surprise, however, I found the task to be extremely difficult, and I failed.

    I have since realized that I failed because I missed the mark and had incorrect assumptions. First, I expected the summary to be inspiring to everyone. The summary was meant for me and not for anyone else. It was meant to capture my feelings and emotions about the Savior and what He has done for me so that every time I read it, it will bring to the surface wonderfulness, poignant, and personal spiritual experiences.

    Second, I expected the summary to be grand and elaborate and contain big words and phrases. It was never about big words. It was meant to be a clear and simple declaration of conviction. “For my soul delighteth in plainness; for after this manner doth the Lord God work among the children of men. For the Lord God giveth light unto the understanding.”

    Third, I expected it to be perfect, a summary to end all summaries—a final summary that one cannot and should not add to—instead of a work in progress to which I can add a word here or a phrase there as my understanding of Jesus Christ’s Atonement increases."

Would you be able to do a one page summary? 

Rule #11

 

Rule #11 Enjoy The Little Things

What are some little things that make you happy? Is it an object? Is it something you eat/ drink? A good habit? Is it a memory you like to remember? There are so many little things around us that give us joy and make us happy but sometimes we don't notice them as the little things. We just see them as a moment in time that passes by without a thought. Can we notice the simple things?

The world around us is crazy and unpredictable. There is so much confusion; hate, fear, political wars, etc., happening all around us right now that steals our attention and it is so easy to lose our focus. We can get frustrated and depressed which mentally and physically drains us bed ridden. How can we escape all this madness?

When we were living in Charleston it would rain and thunderstorm constantly. Ethan and I didn't want Harper to be afraid so we would open our garage door and sit in the garage and just listen to the rain and thunder while watching for the lightening. We would say "Wow did you see that Harper?!" and Harper, with a huge smile on her face, would say "Yeah! That was a big one!" Seeing her not be afraid made me so proud of her and something as simple as sitting in the garage watching and listening to the thunderstorm made the day end so much better. 

There was another day where it was just pouring rain (no thunder and lightening). We were in the garage again and watching the rain and Ethan said to Harper "Come on Harper, lets go play in the rain!" She beamed with excitement and ran into the rain with him. Watching them splash in puddles and have fun brought so much joy and I knew Harper was loving it. It made me think, she is enjoying the little things right now. 

Enjoying the little things can be so easy. Whether it is jumping in puddles while raining, reading a book, eating your favorite candy bar, laughing at a corny dad joke, or having your child pick you flowers telling you they love you, it's the little things in life that make everything worth it! A bad and stressful day can easily turn around if we remember the little things that happen to us each and every day.

I encourage everyone to think of the little things that bring us that small amounts of joy to make our day better!

-Ali  

Avoid Social Media Time

 

What are some things that you do, that are more productive than staring at your phone?

Since January of this year, I have grown to love reading. I have learned what genre I enjoy most and have read almost fifteen books total! I have found that it has been as great distraction from staring at my phone.

Now that it is nicer weather, I have been outside playing with our girls. Actually, playing with them, not just sitting with my phone in my hand. Our girls absolutely love to be outside and get dirty. Starting last year, Tyler and I have made it a habit to take the girls out on hikes. Tyler and I only take our phones out to share pictures on Snapchat. We both love watching the kids enjoy nature and hearing their bazillion questions about what they see, while hiking.

Another thing that I do to replace social media is clean. No joke! I have found that I usually do the bare minimum to make our tiny home look clean. That just doesn't cut it. Once I began to put away my silly phone and really look around, I saw there was more I could to do, to make our home feel more inviting and less cluttered. Keeping busy with cleaning and making sure everything is Clorox, mopped and organized everyday, really doesn't give me time to check the latest gossip. It honestly helps with everyone's attitude too, coming to a clean home just makes everyone happier.

One of my most favorite ways to avoid picking up my phone, due to boredom is, exercise. It honestly is not hard to incorporate exercise in your daily schedule. I simply had to learn to be motivated to do so. No one can make you be motivated to workout, you have to want to do it. Instead of sitting on the couch agreeing with all the hateful Biden comments, get up and move. Dance with your kids! Go outside and play catch. Do kid yoga! Go on a walk! Trust me, you will feel a whole lot happier getting your heart pumping and you may have kiddos who will actually take a nap! 

These are a few things that I have grown to love doing that replace social media time. Please share in the comments below what you could do or have been doing to replace the negative effects of been consumed with social media. 

-Caitlin 

Family Matters

 

“As I watch so much unrest, anger and even apathy fill the corners of the earth the same four words run on repeat in my mind. 

The world needs families.  It doesn’t matter what they look like or where they live.  It just matters that they are! 

 

Think about the time we spend worrying about things that are temporary. Our clothes, our jobs, our health.  

 The only thing that lasts is family.  In the end, it’s the only thing that matters at all. “ 

-Ralphie Jacobs

 

I think it is safe to say that we’ve all been reflecting heavily on ways to make our homes more Christ-centered and how to make a safe, comfortable space for ourselves and our children.  

 

One thing we could use more of in this world is strong family units and homes that have Christ as the focal point.

I’d love to hear ways that you are trying to strengthen your family? 

In what ways are you making sincere efforts to serve, love, and connect with the members of your household?  

 

Some of the ways we try to strengthen our little family is by having daily prayers and scripture study.  The boys are aware of the routine and will remind me if I forget to read scriptures to them at breakfast.  

We also make an effort to have intentional & individualized conversations with each of the boys and each other every day.  

We teach the boys what it means to serve others and help them find ways to serve within the home. 

I personally try to “choose joy” every single day.  I’m not perfect at this, but I’ve found that constantly choosing joy makes even the hardest days not so bad and something good can always be found in each day.  

 

“We might all ask ourselves: do our children receive our best spiritual, intellectual, and creative efforts, or do they receive our leftover time and talents, after we have given our all to our Church calling or professional pursuits?”

-Ted R. Callister

 

Replace the word, “children” for “spouse” or “family” and ask yourself the same thing.  We could all probably do better, myself included.  List out your priorities and what your eternal goals are.  

 Ask yourself, “What destinations truly matter for you & your family and are you spending time, effort and attention on the things that constitute a sure way to get there?”

 

If your answer is “no” or “I could do better” then I urge you to make a plan on what you can do individually and as a family.

 

We all have 24 hours in a day and I’m sure we all waste some of those hours doing things that don’t really matter. Making these daily efforts can be difficult at first but just like all things a habit comes from repetition and constant action.  Actions take mental and physical effort, and as you push yourself to do better and be better your marriage and family will become stronger.